Working in a place that receives a high volume of traffic on a weekly basis has given me the opportunity to see and experience some strange things. I won't, however, cite any specific occurances as none really come to mind. Whatever.
While I would like to say that The Washington-Grizzly Stadium is most exciting during a football game, with the broad assortment of fans and workers patrolling the stadium - screaming at a bunch of mountainous men butting heads and acquiring brain injuries to pay their way through college, it's not. As much fun as watching painted freshmen vomit on each other and sexually harrass anything with genetalia opposite their own may be, it doesn't compare to when the stadium is empty and straaaange occurances ... occur. Case in point, the birth of Raezak took place in the empty stadium amidst lots of concrete, those stupid rubber pellets on the field, and an atrocious amount of pigeon shit (we can't all crawl out of Mary's pristine bearded clam, Jesus). The troll who guards the stadium was there, as well. We don't have a name for him, but it will come with time. The birth of Raezak aside [Raezak am], the pigeons are definitely the most intriguing part of the stadium's physiology. The stadium troll's name is officially "evil bitch-monster". Thank you, reader #27.
In case anybody has never encountered a pigeon, I'm going to give a brief detailing of what they are.
FUCKING HORRIBLE.
Also,
The adult of the nominate subspecies of the stupid shit-bird is 32–37 cm (12–14½ in) long with a 64–72 cm (25–28 in) wingspan. Weight for awful creatures ranges from 238 to 380 grams (8.4-13.4 oz). It has a dark bluish-gray head, neck, and chest with glossy yellowish, greenish, and reddish-purple iridescence along its neck and wing feathers. The iris is orange, red or golden with a paler inner ring, and the bare skin round the eye is bluish-grey. The bill is grey-black with a conspicuous off-white cere, and the feet are purplish-red. (This is a description for rock doves, but they're practically identical to the dumb idiot birds that inhabit most cities and towns)Pigeons (referring to common, feral types) seem to ruin everything. They shit EVERYWHERE with no regard for personal property and hygiene and they never, ever call me back after the first date. People can put up pigeon spikes, but the pigeons will eventually dissolve them with their constant and relentless shitting. Basically, pigeons are huge jerks and we should not allow them to bully us around! A war on pigeons was to be fought and I, along with Rachel half the time, was at the forefront.
It had been weeks or months or something since I had announced the war and about the same amount of months or weeks or something since I had started losing. It was below freezing and I was in heaven when I first thought of my winning battle-strategy. I was driving around the stadium when I saw something beautiful. A pigeon, lying at the bottom of some stairs, that seemed like it spent a bit too much around face huggers; Its body blown open, revealing no specific cause. I told everybody EVERYBODY I knew about the freak exploding-pigeon and it soon became commonplace. I found a new pigeon weekly. One ripped in half, with each half ten feet apart and connected by intestines. One with its rib cage and contents ripped out perfectly and placed beside it just as perfectly, making it seem like it died solely of shock. I should have taken pictures and made a portfolio out of them for my coffee table.
The whole dead pigeon thing carried on for three months or so, maintaining its mysterious nature, until I hunkered down, multiplied four and four, and got twelve (thanks, Deadmau5!). I deducted that these pigeons weren't exploding, but rather that they were being ripped limb from limb by a friendly neighborhood OWL. There are trees just across the street from the stadium and they were totally owlicious. My trump card had come through. My plan was going just as planned. I had planned to plan whatever happened in my favor and my plan had worked. Owls were being fed and stupid birds were being somehow destroyed in the process. Look at what good fortune Raezak can bestow upon the faithful.
Next time: A review on music
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because you have Raezak"
Dr. Seuss
Raezak am.
It had been weeks or months or something since I had announced the war and about the same amount of months or weeks or something since I had started losing. It was below freezing and I was in heaven when I first thought of my winning battle-strategy. I was driving around the stadium when I saw something beautiful. A pigeon, lying at the bottom of some stairs, that seemed like it spent a bit too much around face huggers; Its body blown open, revealing no specific cause. I told everybody EVERYBODY I knew about the freak exploding-pigeon and it soon became commonplace. I found a new pigeon weekly. One ripped in half, with each half ten feet apart and connected by intestines. One with its rib cage and contents ripped out perfectly and placed beside it just as perfectly, making it seem like it died solely of shock. I should have taken pictures and made a portfolio out of them for my coffee table.
The whole dead pigeon thing carried on for three months or so, maintaining its mysterious nature, until I hunkered down, multiplied four and four, and got twelve (thanks, Deadmau5!). I deducted that these pigeons weren't exploding, but rather that they were being ripped limb from limb by a friendly neighborhood OWL. There are trees just across the street from the stadium and they were totally owlicious. My trump card had come through. My plan was going just as planned. I had planned to plan whatever happened in my favor and my plan had worked. Owls were being fed and stupid birds were being somehow destroyed in the process. Look at what good fortune Raezak can bestow upon the faithful.
Next time: A review on music
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because you have Raezak"
Dr. Seuss
Raezak am.
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