Here I am, logging into this shit-hole an entire 2.5 months after posting about my future wife when I realized that I never fulfilled my promise of writing about what is probably the worst music ever made to my probable complete absence of an audience (probably). Some of you may take this as evidence of my being a complete douche (with Alzheimer's?), but that assumption would be false as Alzheimer's isn't even real (watch cartoons, dumb-dumbs). And though I would love to share my extremely biased opinion of pop music with your asses, my life of eating healthfully and exercising regularly has left me struggling to remember what my opinions actually were... IIIIIIIII should drink more often. So rather than tell you what not to listen to, I'll just review a movie for you all while trying to remember what the music was, while subsequently watching Spirited Away for the fourth time in a row. (it comes highly recommended)
The movie: Mission: Impossible: 4: Ghost Protocol.
Admittedly, it's been well over four months since I saw this movie (December 16), but remembering things is my strength so it'll be practically the same thing as if it were written back in June when it came out.
So I saw this movie the day it came out (December 16) because I am a HUGE fan... of really stupid blockbusters (as shown by my spree of bad-movie viewing). For discussion/fun purposes I went with my good friends: Friend 1 and Friend 2. We went to one of the local Carmike Theaters, as they're the only ones in town that offer shitty-movie viewing. The Carmike 10 has long been a movie-going staple for the Missoula community, but it was recently changed to The Carmike 12??? because it added another theater... or two, in which I would be seeing this movie. The first thing of note is that the new theater is the Carmike's answer to IMAX and is called "The Big D", stylized as "The Big DDD". That's right, "The Big triple-D". I think that feminists should take note of this, as sexism in corporations apparently runs rampant and this theater is literally a cup size. Pay for movie, think of tits. Needless to say, I was sold.
So we arrive at the movie; comfy seats, huge
Jane - Here Ethan, let me use my iPhone 4s (why the fuck is iphone in this site's dictionary?) to find out how many miles it is to the nearest BMW dealership
Ethan - Thanks Jane. Oh, and would you be a doll and find out if there are any Armani's in the area? I really feel like ruining another $10,000 suit.
Jane - Absolutely. Siri is always willing to help out her contractual masters. Aaaaahhhh... slaves are fun. Doesn't Chili's sound good right now?
Ethan - I do love their baby-back ribs and their deals are so much better than Applebee's, but maybe something a bit faster, say Taco Bell or any of its delicious subsidiaries?
Jane - Fuck yeah, Tom. I think having the shits for our entire mission would be both helpful AND fun with our new Kohl's toilets! Let's order pizza from The Hut and fuck on the couch.
Ethan - I love my [dead] wife, Jane. But pizza does sound good. Let's get the $10 dinner box!
Wow I really let myself go there... but you all get the point. It's not that fun having to sit through two hours of well-made, exciting, and action-packed commercial. So the plot of the movie is that Ethan Hunt (Cruise) gets sent on another mission that has been labelled "impossible" (Russians launching nukes??? nooooo way!) and he completes it. The only difference this time is that his wife is dead and he executes the mission with three people, two of which are competent and one of which is the comic relief. This is focus number 2/3/fuck.
This guy is awful. AWFUL. First off, it's the guy from Sean of the Dead. You know, the cute, funny British guy who also ruined MI3 and Star Trek. It's not cool to go into more adult-themed movies and throw in a guy who makes fart jokes and crawls around crying during shootouts. He is an annoyance and little more.
So the team is on a mission in which they are literally against the world, but are secretly backed by The US government organization IMF. This sets them up for being heroes beyond any other MI movie. They're vigilantes with a mission and their only motivation is to save the world. Nothing to help them but Apple products, BMW's, and trillions in government funding. Stars in my eyes and boner in my pants. They truly raised the bar for idiots like Batman and Tony Stark.
Shit goes down, they save the day, and lo and behold there are surprise twists in the end. There was even a scene demonstrating the impressive crash-test rating of the new Bimmers. Awesome. Overall, the movie was actually pretty good. Highly predictable, full of overused cinematic idiocy, and painful to watch, but pretty good. Legitimately. I'd give it an 86% fo sho. It kept me on the edge of my seat and taking out loans for shit I don't need. Well played, movie... well played. Now I'm off to... oh look, my light looks exactly like a boob. A huge boob, DDD perhaps?
"A film is - or should be - more like Raezak than like fiction.
It should be a progression of moods and feelings. The theme, what's behind the
emotion, the meaning, all that comes with the acceptance of Raezak."
Stanley Kubrick
Raezak Am.
