On punching children in the face

Izaak here.

     I feel that it's safe to say celebrities are, at some point during the day, discussed, thought of, or seen by practically everybody living in The good ol' US of A along with many other parts of the world. Whether they be: Britney Spears, Tom Gabel, President Obama, Jesus, the fat, black girl who is ostensibly "sittin' on the toilet", or the stupid man from Lolo, MT who collects Santa figurines, it's hard to keep these famous individuals out of mind.

     I also feel that it's safe to say that, with the amount of our time that is taken up by these individuals, practically everybody develops some sort of emotional feeling toward the individuals themselves. I for one, know which famous people I would sleep with, which of them I would be friends with, which of them I would marry, which of them I would party with, which of them I would have as rich gay uncles (that's shouting out to you, Oprah), and which of them I would cut, stab, maim, torture, cuddle, and/or kill. As gruesome, horrific, or awesome as that may sound, it's just something that develops as I'm exposed to the individuals over time.

     Of all the celebrities in the world, none has received quite as much bad rep as Ms Rebecca Black did after releasing the power-ballad we all know as "Friday". I'm betting she received more hate mail in the course of one week than Hitler did during all of World War II (and we claim to be such altruistic patriots). I've had many a heated discussion about this acute hatred that united our world with my good friend, who I will refer to as Fursula (because she is sexy, full of fervor, and half-octopus).

     Fursula is extremely opinionated and stubborn. She will stand her ground with more pride than the brave soldiers who raised the U.S. flag during The Battle of Iwo Jima. Normally this is okay because her opinions are well meant, but on the subject of Rebecca Black she maintains, with extraordinary adamance, that she would punch the poor girl in the face on site. For those of you who don't know, Ms Black recently celebrated her fourteenth birthday. Fursula is a college student of appropriate age and maintains her defense that "it's old enough to know better than to make such horrible music!". Not good enough, you sick and twisted hot octopus woman.

    I don't think that anybody should ever even consider punching a child in the face and, after watching an old-as-shit trashy-as-shit man pummel a native man's face with a rock for several minutes, I feel that violence should never be the answer (unless you're in a zombie apocalypse or at Walmart on Black Friday. In which case, feel free to hack, slash, shoot, and trample to your heart's content).

violence ==> fear ==> hatred ==> violence

    (I hope that the flow chart helps to explain my reasoning behind not punching the next generation in the face, but I seem to have confused even myself because it's a ray rather than a loop. Oh well.)

     It might seem like experiencing an emotion on this flow chart can only lead to violence, but that's not the case. I'm horribly afraid of sharks, but I'd rather do a stand-up routine with one or fly to the moon on one than punch it in the face (it would eat my hand!). I also have within me a deeply-seeded hatred for one Rebecca Black, but I'd rather give her a stern talking to or lobotomize her than punch her in the face (it would eat my hand!). This just goes to show that violence can and should be avoided at all costs, lest you lose a hand.

    This rant isn't meant to rule out violence all together because some things can only be dealt with in violent ways, like mosquitoes and mountains, but I do hope it sheds some light on something somewhere.

Obi-Wan Kenobi: [voice comes out of nowhere] Luke. Luke!

Luke Skywalker: [weakly] Ben?

Obi-Wan Kenobi: You will go to the Dagobah system.

Luke Skywalker: Dagobah system?

Obi-Wan Kenobi: There you will learn from Raezak. Raezak am.

Raezak am.

PS - That said, I really want to punch Justin Bieber in the face (he's seventeen!).